You have managed to find someone you either like or love and probably trust a good deal. Good for you! (No dude seriously go you, there are a lot of people in the world who haven’t found this yet. Frikkin Pat yourself on the back right now. I’m even sending you an invisible high five). You more than likely haven’t had a chance to meet yet, but I’m sure you’ve done plenty of snapchat talking and probably some video calls on Skype right? But there’s something your partner probably doesn’t know isn’t it? Yes, I know, you have Anxiety. How does that affect this new and beautiful relationship of yours? Let me tell you from experience.
Like I said earlier you are emotionally attached to them at some level that goes further than a friend right? It might even surpass best friend! So the logical assumption would be that you trust this person right? That’s what you think, until you get this constant itching feeling that they have someone else. Somebody just waiting to replace you. You didn’t realize it in the beginning, but now you can feel it, always there. Lurking in the back of your mind next to your worst nightmares from your childhood that you are still trying to forget. You try to ignore it, but it scratches at you, you want to ask the about it, just to make sure. HA! Well there’s anxiety again laughing at you, knowing you could never grow the cahonas to even remotely type that message. So you just sit there consumed in your incessant thoughts of why you aren’t good enough and how they’re probably showing their other partner your messages and how their both laughing at how naive you are.
But that isn’t all is it? No. Even worse than them only cheating on you, now you start to wonder if they’re using you. Maybe they’re trying to make an old flame jealous, maybe they don’t actually care and are just using you to fill up the emptiness in them. Or even worse they only want you cause they’re scared of dying alone, and they know how much of a shitty person they are and are quite frankly confused as to how you haven’t seen it yet. All of these thoughts are constantly skewering across every inch of your brain. And you’re just contemplating all the ways you can see them breaking your heart , and before you know it, the relationship is slowly eating you alive.
So you just kinda phase through the days confused as to what you should do.
Because when you are talking to each other and everything seems okay, you’re so happy. Even if you’re barely talking about anything at all. Just the fact that they’re talking to you is enough to make you happy. But sometimes you feel like something is different about the way they’re talking/texting you. You’re not sure if it’s only you’re paranoia showing up, in its fancy, slutty red little dress, slaying the whole damn event. Or if you were right all along. And it is going to literally bother you all damn day. That is until everything seems normal again and then you’re back to your happy self. Practically forgetting that you even thought something was wrong. And that’s how you live throughout this relationship. And it will end either one of two ways. 1. You are wrong, and eventually either they find out about or you tell them about your anxiety and, they conduct themselves relationship wise accordingly so that you feel comfortable and secure. 2. You’re right about them the entire time, and when you find out…. When you find out, it’s going to hurt so so much, even as I type this I’m so hoping this isn’t the option you end up in. Cause with anxiety something like that is much worse than it would be with someone without anxiety. Because now you’re really questioning yourself and you begin to believe that you aren’t and never will be good enough for anyone. And that is going to crush you and send you to a place I wouldn’t wish for anybody to end up in.
So, what can we learn from all this? My people with anxiety who are reading this and now what I’m talking about or even if you don’t. If you experience any of this my friend. I want you to do something for me okay? I want you to find a day to get together with your friends, have them come over, perhaps even spend the night depending on how things go. And I want you to ask your Significant other, whatever it is you are terrified of asking. Because if you don’t you might go to regret it. And if it turns out you were right and they were using you or whatever the case may be. End the relationship, right then and there. Don’t stay with them. I want you to crawl in bed with your friend, cuddle against them and sleep. I don’t care if you’re a guy and you invite your guy friend over. You better tell them to hold you while you sleep dammit.
And to my people who think or know they’re in a relationship with someone who has anxiety I need a favor from you too. Please don’t play with them and be gentle and clear. If you don’t want them please don’t play with their feelings. It’s not a game and it’s not funny. Just tell them that the relationship isn’t what you wanted. Be very clear in your reasoning cause if you’re not I guarantee you they will forever blame themselves and that’s just not cool kay?